


Strawberry Panic

by ac_craven



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Author Is Not Religious, Bi-Curiosity, Biblical Scripture References (Abrahamic Religions), Bisexual Male Character, Christianity, F/M, Gay Male Character, Gay Panic, Killing Game (Dangan Ronpa), M/M, Medical Trauma, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Religious Conflict, Religious Discussion, Religious Guilt, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Soda Kazuichi-Centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:55:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27834889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ac_craven/pseuds/ac_craven
Summary: Five days have passed since Monokuma trapped the remaining students in a mystery location and set the newest motive: kill a classmate, or wait until someone dies of malnutrition.Tensions rise as patience grows thin; Everyone is painfully aware that human beings can live upwards of a month without food, but no more than a week without water.Wrestling with faith and loss, Kazuichi trades secrets and battles stories with an unlikely ally."Friendship" is a tentative flame fuelled by the fear that this might be their last night on earth.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime & Komaeda Nagito, Hinata Hajime/Nanami Chiaki, Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko/Pekoyama Peko, Soda Kazuichi/Tanaka Gundham, Sonia Nevermind/Soda Kazuichi/Tanaka Gundham, Sonia Nevermind/Tanaka Gundham
Comments: 10
Kudos: 78





	Strawberry Panic

**[Content Warnings for this story are as follows: spoilers for Super Danganronpa 2, all chapters / graphic descriptions of food, hunger, and eating disorder related self-harm / biblical references and comparisons, religious trauma / mature language / domestic violence, child abuse / death of a parent / PTSD, panic attacks]**

.

.

.

**Day 5 Without Food or Water**

**Grape Hall**

**9 PM**

Kazuichi leaned his head against the wall and took in a deep breath, letting the sharp ache of his straining lungs take the edge off his surroundings. He pushed the breath downwards to distend his belly, and the pressure made him feel fuller than he had in days. An image slowly developed in his mind: a large bowl of steaming ramen, topped with onions, mushrooms, and big slabs of sizzling pork, all swimming in a dark flavorful broth. A few days earlier the fantasy was much dimmer, and he thought more about escape than about food. But his energy grew weaker, and his imagination stronger. Now he could almost feel the weight of a porcelain bowl, the warmth seeping into his shaking hands. As he slowly exhaled his stomach growled, and the bowl of ramen evaporated in his mind's eye. 

Daydream ruined. 

It had gone on like this for days. On day one Hajime Hinata made it clear to everyone that killing was not an option, though no one had even had a chance to consider it yet. Everyone was still reeling from the shocking return of Nekomaru, in his new robotic form. No one had expected to see their friend, who they assumed to be dead, return, much less in such good spirits. 

Seeing "Mechamaru" revived reminded Kazuichi of a lesson he was told as a young child. Simply put, it was the story of a man sacrificing himself for the sake of the ones he loved. After laying dead for three days in a crypt, the man returned from the dead, and freed the people he loved from the burden of sin. The story seemed so absurd that Kazuichi never really believed it. However, after everything he had witnessed in the past few months - all the robots and magic and corpses - it started to sound less and less like a fairy tale. 

And if Nekomaru was somewhat akin to Jesus, Monokuma was definitely the Devil. 

Rubbing his cramping stomach, Kazuichi slid down the wall and blinked the fog out of his bleary eyes. The dizzying site of the pink walls and floor of Strawberry Hall, one section of this unknown location where the kids were forced to stay for the past five days, was enough to make him feel sick. The strawberry images again reminded him of the food he had not seen for almost a week. 

He had made himself comfortable (as comfortable as someone slowly starving to death could be) on the floor in the hall, not far from the lounge where he could spot Akane, Fuyuhiko, and Nekomaru sitting at a table. Up to this point Kazuichi had known these three to be - despite the losses and hardships they suffered on the island - strong and fearless people. Looking at them now, one could say they were defeated. The short-tempered yakuza laid his head on his arms like a pillow on the table. Akane wore Nekomaru's sports jacket, albeit still not responding to his attempts at friendly conversation. Instead, he and Fuyuhiko conversed in sullen voices. Kazuichi caught snippets of their words every so often, too tired to attempt blocking them out. 

"... and that's when she grabbed my hand, and pulled me into the alley. Her hand was so cold, even though it was hundred fuckin degrees out," Fuyuhiko mumbled, eyes closed. "I kept sayin, hey, 's just a girl I knew from school, followin us to find out if we were goin' steady. I was all well and prepared to turn down this dame's offer, too - I assumed she just wanted to know if I had any Christmas plans." 

Something like a smile flitted over Fuyuhiko's lips. "But Peko insisted she take me home the long way, to ditch the 'stalker'. And I followed her... because I trusted her. I trusted her..." 

"Probably had the right idea." Akane scratched her ear with a pinky nail. "Even if she was just bein' hella jealous."

Fuyuhiko chuckled weakly. "Who wouldda thought that she... stoic Peko Pekoyama... could ever be jealous?"

He fell silent then, a hollow expression forming on his pallid face. He shivered, and Nekomaru rested a comforting metal hand on his back. Maybe another day Fuyuhiko would have shoved him away, but right now the effort was too great, and the sorrow too strong. 

Kazuichi reached into his pocket and fished out the small army green book tucked inside his jumpsuit and lifted the red ribbon marking his place. It was a pocket sized Bible, a gift from his father he received as a child.

Thinking of his father's rough hands and cold smile didn't comfort Kazuichi. He frowned and thumbed the thin pages, accidentally triggering the memories of church Sundays to wash over him. 

_"'David said to the Philistine, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied," Pastor Matsui read aloud into the microphone on the podium. Behind him the church band sat in metal chairs, heads bowing with the rhythm of the scripture. "This day the LORD will hand you over to me, and I'll strike you down and cut off your head'."_

_Pastor Matsui turned around to gesture at the large projection on the wall above the stage. The scriptures, scrawled in white lettering, dissolved and were replaced by the next slide on the program._

_"Let's take a look at our fill in the blanks - be sure to follow along with me because we're gonna speed right on through this. We're running a little late today," Pastor Matsui said with a good-natured laugh. "Not that there's such thing when praising the Lord, though. And all God's people said...?"_

_"Amen," the audience replied in unison._

_Elementary school Kazuichi pulled at his little vest, feeling every seam from his socks to his collar jabbing into his skin. His black hair was slicked back with product that itched his scalp, and he snaked up a little finger to scratch his widow's peak._

_SMACK_

Kazuichi inhaled sharply and clenched his teeth to steady himself. The bright pink floor replaced the velvet pews in front of him, but the panic in his chest continued to swell. Of all of his memories, why did his mind always replay the most humiliating moments? 

_"I done told you not to mess up your hair."_

Kazuichi grimaced. The image of his father's plain suit jacket and large, calloused hands burned purple and red on the back of his eyelids. He shook his head from side to side as if he could fling away the memory, but his ears rang with the terrifying sound of his father's snarl. He hugged his knees to his chest and buried his head in his arms. 

"Fuck," he whispered. "Fuck you. Fuck you fuck you fuck...." 

Distantly, the choir sustained a high note. The octave changed. Images blended like oil paints, then spread across the canvas. Holly berries and lace trim flashed in his mind's eye. 

_The smell of warm sugar cookies and cider wafted through the air, turning little Kazuichi's stomach. He wiggled against the uncomfortable pew and tilted his head back, staring up at the high ceiling. Theatre lights beamed slanted white onto the stage, but the real sight was a large circle of stained glass depicting a dove looming over the congregation. Blue and green tiles made up the rest of the circle, while one bright red eye peered down at little Kazuichi. He shivered, but felt unable to look away. The dove gripped an olive branch in its beak, and a rainbow arched behind. God's Promise. Cold dread pooled in his stomach._

_The red eye glared down at little Kazuichi; a silent, knowing look._

Church would never feel comforting after his mother's death, and neither would the palm of his father's hand. 

-

-

-

**Day 6**

**Strawberry Tower**

**6:30 AM**

"Kazuichi. Kazuichi, arise you _fiend!"_

The pink-haired boy started awake when the toe of a boot nudged his ribs. For a few blissful moments Souda had no memory of the school vacation or the Strawberry Tower. He yawned and stretched weakly, smacking his dry lips. Eyes still closed he grasped for his phone but only found his beanie and a small book next to his head. Sometime after falling asleep he must have curled into the fetal position, one arm tucked into his neon jumpsuit.

"At long last, you've awoken," said the deep, grandiose voice from above, and Kazuichi felt another nudge to his legs. "Monokuma will summon us soon enough. If you do not wish to put us all in grave peril I suggest you follow me." 

"What the hell're you talkin' about," Kazuichi grumbled. He tucked the thin futon blanket under his chin. Why was his bedroom so cold during this time of year? Did his father not make the electric bill this month? He rubbed his legs together like a cricket and realized from the odd sound that he was still wearing his work jumpsuit. The realization hit him like a brick. 

_Summon... Monokuma... TAI CHI!_

Kazuichi scrambled to get to his feet and immediately regretted it. He yelped and held onto the side of the cot for support, waiting for his vision, now swimming with inky black shadows, to clear. 

"Oh fuck..." he groaned, gripping his head and standing up. 

Gundham stepped away from the futon and leaned against the open doorway. Soft pink light framed one side of his face, and darkness shrouded the other. "Hajime requested my assistance ensuring everyone attended the exercise this morning. You are the last one to rise."

"Why's that stupid bear gotta put us through this anyway? I'm gonna waste away before we even get there. I think I can feel my belly button rubbing against my spine." 

"Do not burden our ears with your useless whining," Gundham admonished. He pushed himself away from the wall and approached Kazuichi with flared nostrils. "You do not fare the worst by far." 

Kazuichi turned to scowl at the Ultimate Breeder. Gundham Tanaka glared back at him, though the look held less intensity than it had a few days before. The lightest of five o'clock shadows grew on his cheeks, and his coat was missing. This was the only time Kazuichi had ever seen Gundham without his long, sweeping trench coat. His black and white hair - usually styled to a flamboyant point atop his head - laid limp to frame his unusually gaunt face.

Gundham followed Kazuichi's gaze and looked upwards, then ran a hand through his hair and turned his face away. "I was not referring to myself. My dark energies will never deplete the way your lowly human calories burn. I worry for the smallest of our brood who have lost most of their strength and struggle with basic tasks. While the she-cat is a low level demon, her human vessel grows colder as the hours pass."

Kazuichi crossed his arms. "Man, can you hold off on the LARPing talk for five minutes? What's this about Miss Sonia? And say it normally this time!" 

Gundham's lips thinned into a grey line."I fear that her time on this mortal plane is - " He hesitated, lifting his scarf over his nose. Gundham's eyes caught the light, glistening and red. 

"She is dying."

Gundham's words floated to the ceiling like morose get-well balloons. Kazuichi felt a tug at his navel and his feet left the ground, fingers and toes pointed down as he joined them, bobbing up against the ceiling. Weightless. The smell of rubbing alcohol and latex drifted up from the floor. 

He watched numbly as little Kazuichi fell to his knees, staring past Gundham Tanaka. Behind the ultimate breeder, _doctors and nurses moved deftly around a hospital bed. A steady tone rang out from one of the vital monitors hooked up to the patient._

_"Kazuichi! Get over here," his father said from the doorway. When little kazuichi didn't move, eyes locked on the white nurse shoes in front of him, his father approached in large strides. "Are you deaf, boy? I said get over here."_

_Little Kazuichi didn't want to move. He wanted to pick up his toy trucks and continue playing at the windowsill, like nothing was wrong. But his eyes swam with tears and all he could see were strong hands gripping under his arms as he was lifted up and out of the room, and a glimpse of his mother's slack-jawed expression._

Someone told little Kazuichi a story about a man who died and three days later, rose from the grave. But no matter how hard the little boy prayed, three days passed after his mother slipped into a coma and she never woke up again.

_His father raised his hand, the sterile hospital light shining through his fingers. Balloons popped, one by one._

"Kazuichi!" Gundham shouted.

The ground rose to meet him with a solid **SMACK.**

\---

**Day 6**

**Grape Tower**

**6:55 AM**

"Place him gently, just there, Nekomaru. In just a moment I will coax a spirit to possess his form and move his limbs like a marionette through Monokuma's routine." 

"But then, will he not need a different kind of 'exorcise'?" replied an airy, high-pitched voice filled with concern. 

_Sonia?_

"Give him a good slap and maybe he'll come 'round. We don't need this shit today." Despite how mumbled the words came out, Kazuichi recognized that to be the voice of Fuyuhiko. 

Kazuichi slowly creaked his eyelids open, lifting his hand to block out the harsh green light. Huddled above him were Fuyuhiko, Gundham, Nekomaru, and Sonia Nevermind, all wearing expressions with various degrees of concern. Sonia seemed the most worried, with clasped hands pressed tightly to her throat. 

"Souda! You are awake!" she exclaimed, grabbing his hands. Her fingers felt like bird bones - light, thin, and cold. Kazuichi blinked down at them, dizzy from fainting and floored that the princess was touching his dirty skin. Her naturally pale skin looked translucent, showing her swollen blue veins, aching for water. "Thank goodness for that. Gundham told us you fainted and I feared the worst!" 

Kazuichi forced out a nervous laugh, patting the back of her hand. "No, no Miss Sonia, please - I'm a tough guy! No need to worry about me." He looked up, into her watery pale green eyes. He noticed then that Gundham's jacket was wrapped around her shoulders, much too big for her frame and tugged the collar tighter against her throat. "H-How are you feeling? Are you cold?" 

"We're all fuckin' cold," Fuyuhiko muttered, toing the floor half-heartedly. 

Sonia smiled gently and moved to stand. Kazuichi's stomach dropped, but not in the way it usually did when he looked at her. His eyes did not follow the soft curve of her inner thigh but instead the tired lines on her brow, giving away the pain she fought to conceal from them. She was a princess after all, of course she was trained in the ways of elegance, decorum, and most importantly, a wicked poker face. 

"I'm really worried about all of us today," Sonia said, sliding her arms into the sleeves of Gundham's jacket. "Please do your best to participate in today's exercise, but don't over-exert yourselves."

Gundham took that moment to stand, wrapping a supportive arm around her waist. "It is you I fear for, she-cat. Rest now before Monokuma - " 

As if on cue a high-pitched, sing-songy voice called out to them. "You rang ~ ?"

The group turned to face the waist-height robotic bear waddling over to them. In an instant, Hajime strode between his friends and Monokuma. Nekomaru and Akane were not far behind, hackles raised instinctively. Despite their hunger and fatigue they all looked ready to throw down with the bear given the opportunity. 

"Let's get on with it. I don't want to spend longer than I have to looking at your ugly face," Hajime said, crossing his arms. 

"Aww, that's no way to talk to your headmaster," Monokuma whined, but nonetheless climbed onto a small green box and started to instruct them through the routine. Everyone spread out and slowly followed along, weaker than ever before. Nekomaru's internal mechanisms sputtered loudly at the halfway point. Fuyuhiko stripped down to his pants and socks, dripping sweat and wobbling back and forth on his heels. 

Kazuichi bit back his complaints, concentrating hard on moving his limbs. His focus eventually drifted to his classmates, and for the first time in a while spotted Chiaki and Nagito. Both of them went through the motions seeming totally unfazed, which wasn't surprising. Chiaki always seemed sleepy and unwilling to hold conversation. 

_Nagito's just fucking insane,_ Kazuichi thought, shaking his head. He discarded his beanie and unzipped his jumpsuit, tying the arms around his waist. He knew a few hours from now he would be shivering again with no calories to burn for warmth, but now he felt disgusting and knew he smelled worse than ever. 

"Aaaand that concludes Monokuma Tai Chi everyone! Be sure to get a nice ice bath and protein shake before tucking into your dinner tonight!" Monokuma wiggled his way down from the green box and glanced around at their panting faces. "Oh wait, you're all still here," he pouted. He perked up a half-second later, a grin spreading across his metal face. His moods always changed faster than the students could ever keep up, and Kazuichi stopped trying to predict his actions long ago. 

"Well, I guess you better get to killing before the day is out, or you'll never taste another curry rice or yakisoba pan agaaaain ~ !" 

And with that chilling thought wrapping around the students stomachs, Monokuma slipped away. 

Hajime helped Chiaki to her feet, addressing them all with words of encouragement. Kazuichi grit his teeth and swiped sweaty pink hairs from his neck. Anger prickled under his skin listening to the boy with spiky brown hair spew horseshit hope everywhere he went. And every time he started to believe Hajime, another one of their friends died. 

"Please, everyone. I know it's hard but - " Hajime's voice faltered slightly. He paused to clear his throat. "We can make it. Monokuma can't really let us starve here, because it's against the rules stated in the Monokuma Handbook. I believe in us, so give it one more - " 

"Shut the hell up!" 

Heads swiveled to stare at Kazuichi. Hajime looked taken aback, mouth opening like a fish out of water. "Kazuichi - "

"I'm serious, Hinata!" Kazuichi took a step forward, ignoring the guilty feeling tugging at his gut. "You always build us up to expect things to get better, and it never does. We just hurt, and get hurt! Over and over again!" 

Hajime put his hands up defensively. "Souda," he regarded, mimicking the use of his own last name, "I understand how you feel. We all do. Look around, and see everyone's faces. Pale and sore... We all want to give up. But we haven't this far." 

"That's the true power of hope," murmured Nagito with an absent smile, gripping his elbows. 

Kazuichi squeezed his head. "This last time the blackened escalated. Both Ibuki AND Hiyoko were murdered!" Pain lashed his heart thinking of Ibuki's streaked pigtails breezing by him, piercings flashing. "You can't prove hope has done shit for us other than get put us through more hardships! Everyone here has lost someone important to them - except for you. So... you still have the strength to drag us along behind you through this mindfield of friendship and motives. And that... that proves that you're the traitor, Hajime Hinata!" 

Silence fell over the group. Kazuichi swallowed thickly past the lump in his throat, his top lip quivering with a combination of anger and shame. He had no water in his body left for tears, but his chest wracked with quiet sobs anyways. 

"That's not fair to him, kid," Akane said after a few moments. She shook her head. "I saw how he talked to Mahiru. And Ibuki, and even... Mikan." 

"Please don't say things you might regret later," Chiaki yawned. 

Kazuichi stayed silent, his anger simmering as he clenched and unclenched his hands. He stared at the ground, wishing anyone, anyone would back him up. 

Nagito laughed airly. "Heh, I guess you're the only one who - " 

"You're back to accusing me again? After everything?" Hajime muttered. In two swift strides, he met the mechanic in the middle of the room. 

"Hajime..." Nekomaru warned. 

"Have I not tortured myself enough for you?"

Kazuichi's head shot up just in time to see Hajime's hands grab onto his tank top. "Hey - what the - !" 

"Who looks at the bodies, Kazuichi? Who goes over every detail to find the blackened? Who has to piece together our alibis to find out which of our friends is a murderer?!" 

"Get away from me!" Kazuichi dug his fingers into the brown-haired boy's wrists, turning his face away. 

"I could let you figure it all out, Kazuichi. Do you think you could solve the class trial better than me and Chiaki and Fuyuhiko? Hell, even Nagito adds more to the conversation than you!"

Someone captured Kazuichi's hands and pulled them behind his back. He tossed his head back and twisted his body wildly, his chest catching with panic. 

"L-Let go of me you bastard!" 

"I have hope because that is all I have!" Hajime was shouting now, holding on despite Kazuichi's flailing. Hands grabbed their shoulders, trying to pull them apart. 

"This is stupid! Please stop fighting," Sonia cried. 

"I have to have hope that next time I wake up, I won't find the only friends I've ever had dead in the next room! I can't be the traitor, because the pain I feel when I lose one of you is the worst thing anyone could ever put me through! I can't be - !" Hajime's voice broke, and at that moment, Fuyuhiko stepped into the fray and wrenched Hajime's fingers from the shirt. 

Kazuichi fell backwards into a pair of strong arms.

"What a waste of my fuckin' time 'n energy," Fuyuhiko grumbled, shaking his head. 

"Both of you, cease this violence," Gundham demanded in Kazuichi's ear. His hands tightened around Kazuichi's wrists when he tensed, as if expecting Kazuichi to throw a punch. The pink-haired boy would never admit it, but he was actually just startled to hear the deep voice belong to the person who pulled him away from the fight. An embarrassed heat spread the back of his neck and down his back. 

Chiaki linked arms with Hajime and quietly led him away, his brows locked together and jaw working hard. Nagito trailed behind them like a lost cat. Faster than the fight started, it was over, and everyone tiredly grouped up and left once again. 

Gundham let go of Kazuichi, who wordlessly rubbed his wrists and fought to control his breathing. His face still twitched with leftover jolts of anger as he zipped up his jumpsuit and replaced his beanie on his head. 

"Kazuichi." 

"Don't," Kazuichi muttered, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Just.... don't." 

A heartbeat passed. "I require your assistance, pink-haired fiend." 

Kazuichi took another deep breath, steadying himself before turning around. When he didn't speak, Gundham gestured to Sonia, who lay against the far wall. 

"Is she...?"

"She has slipped into the dream realm," Gundham reassured. "Help me get her into her room." 

Gundham scooped her into his arms and instructed Kazuichi to carry her shoes and his coat. 

Together, they made it to Grape Tower and laid Sonia down in the Deluxe room. Gundham tucked her in and sat on the edge of the bed, monitoring her face and shallow breaths. Kazuichi rubbed his neck awkwardly and opened his mouth to speak, but Gundham beat him to it. 

"Close the door, and stay awhile. Please." 

Maybe a few days ago Kazuichi would have been suspicious of Gundham's intentions. It was an odd request from someone he saw as a rival, and had no close ties to. But at this moment, Kazuichi's legs felt like lead and he didn't want to leave Miss Sonia in the state she was in. He shut the door behind him and sat on the opposite edge of the bed, facing the princess. The dim lamplight accentuated every sharp angle of her thin face. 

Gundham stood to put his trenchcoat back on. Kazuichi caught sight of the crosses on his clothing and for the first time realized he knew almost nothing about the Ultimate Breeder. His self-titles were somehow grandiose and vague at the same time. 

"Can I ask you a question?" 

"I believe you just did." Gundham's lip turned upward slightly and he looked at Kazuichi with a twinkle in his eye. 

The pink-haired boy rolled his eyes and turned away. "C'mon, man. You know what I mean." 

"I do. Proceed with your questions." 

A thoughtful beat passed. 

"Why the crosses? Are you religious or somethin'?" 

Gundham glanced down and shrugged. "You should know this by now, mechanic. I call upon the spirits of the Other World. I am the Ice King of Demonic Destruction. And..." He paused for dramatic effect, hands splayed in an eccentric pose. 

Kazuichi leaned forward slightly.

"My mother raised me and my sisters Catholic." He pushed his jacket back to look at his wrinkled tee. "I, however, have found they are quite fashionable." 

He sat back down, one leg propped up on the bed so he could better face the other boy. Four hamsters ran out of his sleeve and scampered up to nestle against Sonia's jaw. The "Devas", as Gundham referred to them. 

Kazuichi mimicked his position without much thought. They eyed each other in the soft orange light, not speaking for a short while. 

It wasn't difficult to understand what Miss Sonia saw in Gundham Tanaka. He was the definition of tall, dark, and handsome, with a strong jaw and muscled physique hidden under the trench coat and scarf. While his speech pattern was fantastical and sometimes obnoxious, he was overall kind, and brave, and a gentleman. He was almost the complete opposite of Kazuichi Souda, the practical coward. 

"And you?" Gundham finally asked. Kazuichi tilted his head slightly, and he continued. "I see you reading sometimes, from a small scripture. Do you also have a god?" 

"Oh. No. Not really." Kazuichi rubbed the back of his neck, looking away. He felt Gundham's eyes on his face as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the small Bible. He traced the engraved words on the cover. "It was a gift from my old man. I've had it since the first day on this trip, but haven't felt the need to read it until now." 

Gundham nodded slowly. "Out of a need for faith, or a reprieve from one's own thoughts?" 

"I think... both." Sighing, Kazuichi flipped through the book. "My father used to take me to church. My mother was the one who believed. So when she..." He swallowed thickly and paused on a random page. The book of Lamentations. 

"Church just wasn't the same. And my father started working on Sundays." 

He closed his eyes tightly as memories shot up at him from the black text. 

_The smell of frankincense and hair oils wafted into little Kazuichi's nose. The comb dragged through his hair, spreading the product to tame his wild texture. He opened his eyes and saw himself wearing his Sunday best in front of a vanity mirror. Behind him, his mother patted his shoulders, a smile playing on her full lips._

_"There's my handsome boy," she cooed._

_"Mom, what's the point of doing my hair if I'm just going to get it wet today?" Little Kazuichi scratched at his scalp, disturbing the hair his mother had spent so long styling._

_His mother smiled warmly and reached for the comb."A young man should always look his best." She tapped his hand and he dropped it to his side. She started combing through it again, distributing hair gel as well as scratching his itchy scalp. "You understand today is an extra special day, right? Your baptism might not mean much to you now, but when you're older, I think you'll appreciate it." She smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder. Little Kazuichi's didn't inherit her dark skin; it was her eyes, nose and widow's peak that made him undeniably her son._

_Her beautiful face split into a smile. "Plus, I want some nice pictures for the scrapbook."_

Kazuichi jumped out of the memory when a warm hand laid over his own. 

"I should apologize for my harshness earlier today. We are all suffering." Gundham removed his hand and leaned back against the bedpost. "My irritation with being unable to free us from Monokuma's motive is greater than I've ever battled. However, my fifth and sixth eyes have looked backwards on today's events and made this clear - lashing out at a mortal for my shortcomings was inappropriate." 

Kazuichi was silent for a moment, mulling over his words. He winced, remembering his fight with Hajime. "You're not the only one. I got my own apologies to give out," he said, scratching his widow's peak uncomfortably. He paused, then leaned against the other bedpost. "You were right, though. Seein' everyone today... And, y'know, this ain't the first time I've gone hungry so, why am I complainin'?" 

He tried to offer a quiet, carefree laugh, but it came out as a bitter chuckle. Gundham's brows lowered slightly, and Kazuichi cleared his throat. 

"A-anyways..." 

"Do you mind if we speak plainly tonight?" Gundham asked suddenly. Kazuichi turned to look at him and the breeder shrugged in return. "Not to sound morbid, but this may be our last chance." 

Kazuichi laughed in earnest at that, covering his mouth with the back of his hand. He checked that his outburst hadn't roused the princess before continuing. "Morbidity is like, your whole thing dude," he snickered. 

Gundham didn't seem to take offense to that, instead chuckling quietly into his scarf. "Perhaps." He held out a hand and Cham-P crawled onto his palm, and he gently pet the hamster as he continued. "While we all seem to have our stories, woven in the past into webs dark and red, sticky and painful, yours is the last I have yet to press for elasticity. As our threads pass each other, I grow accustomed to the vibrations of a spider nestled in the middle of your web... waiting to gobble up those who come too close." He let Cham-P nestle against his neck. "Your father is not a kind man. Is that correct?" 

A sickly feeling crawled up the mechanic's throat. "I think that's putting it mildly," he muttered, rubbing his arms to shake the feeling of something dark skittering around behind him. The image of a thick, hairy spider with dripping fangs looming over his heart shook him to his core. His imagination took over the image, and in his mind's eye he spotted glimpses of white feathers flapping desperately underneath the arachnid. 

"My dad was a bastard. I have no idea who or where he is now. After I graduated from middle school he sent me to live with my maternal grandmother. We used to live in the countryside of Hokkaido, where my dad was raised. My grandmother lives in the city, and that's how I got into Hope's Peak." He smiled briefly. "She's kind, like my mother was." 

His hands clenched and unclenched restlessly as he wrestled with the rest of his grief. As much as he didn't want to talk about his past, there was a larger part of him that struggling beneath his skin, begging him to finally tell someone. Anyone. As fate would have it, that person was going to have to be Gundham Tanaka. They avoided saying it outright, but it was common knowledge that human beings can't survive longer than a week without water. Tonight was the end of day six.

"We were poor, out in the country," he muttered. "My mom brought home the bacon, more than my old man. When we started struggling with money basically everything about our quality of life went down. The house was always cluttered and dirty, the backyard was covered in discarded motorcycle parts and trash, and our fridge was dangerously empty. If I asked about food, the bastard would start screaming about money and threaten to pull me out of school to make me work with him." 

_Speak now or forever hold your peace,_ Kazuichi mused. 

He chuckled darkly and talked through his fingertips. "So one day, when I was maybe thirteen, I figured he was right. I missed the bus on purpose and walked into our garage to help Dad work for the day. He... he was passed out on his work bench, a bottle of liquor in hand. I almost couldn't believe it. I tried to sneak away but he woke up and..." 

Kazuichi had to stop then, gripping the blanket in his hands. He tried to will himself to speak, but for a long moment his mind was totally blank. It felt as though a literal barrier had shot up between him and the memory. Slowly, he continued, eyes shut tight. 

"We fought for a long time. Well, it was more of a screaming match - the first we ever had. It ended when he beat the tar outta me. And that was that. I went to school the next day and pretended nothing ever happened." Kazuichi breathed in, then quickly exhaled through his nose. 

Surprisingly, his chest felt lighter after telling the story, rather than heavier. He peeled one eye open and saw that Gundham had not moved, only listened politely. 

"So uh, from then on I kinda thought... I didn't really deserve to eat sometimes." He laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his neck. "Not that there was much else in the fridge besides beer. We signed up to receive monthly packages from a local charity - food, and clothes, sometimes. The baked goods were usually moldy by the time they got to us. And for some reason I thought, 'that's what I get, being ungrateful.' Or stupid, or forgetful, or whatever my dad called me that week." 

When he fell silent, Gundham spoke up. "I'm sorry your childhood was wrought with misfortune and suffering." 

"Don't. I don't need anyone to feel sorry for me." Kazuichi shifted his weight. "I had good times too, and friends. I'm doin' just fine without 'im."

"Very well. Still, it seems the best thing your father ever did for you was abandon you."

"After my mom died," Kazuichi quickly amended. Even after everything, for some reason he felt guilty not acknowledging the man his father was before the accident. He took another breath and a layer of rust shook from his shoulders. "I was nine. Up 'til that year, I was a happy kid. Mom always packed bentos for after church, and we'd walk through lavender fields to find the perfect place to have lunch. Dad would carry me home and let me nap until bathtime." 

"You must have loved them very much. The fainting spell you suffered this morning... the ache of hunger was not the only demon who clenched you tightly," Gundham concluded slowly. 

Kazuichi drew in his lips, only offering a shrug in return. He found himself slipping down the post and rolled onto his side. The bed was wide and spacious, so the mound of Sonia's body was safe as he propped his head on one hand and rested his other arm on his waist, legs running parallel to her. 

"And you, Ice King of Darkness - or whatever," Kazuichi said, mocking the eccentric boy in a light-hearted tone, "What's your spider? Accidentally kill an animal in a preventable accident or somethin'?"

Gundham chuckled and shook his head. "No spiders have made homes in my past. I am a tamer of beasts, of course. Therefore, I 'take the bull by the horns' so to speak." 

Kazuichi snorted. "Then don't 'bull-shit' me. I thought we were being honest tonight? We all got our baggage so drop the untouchable magic act and spill it, Tanaka." 

San-D and Cham-P scampered over the bumps where Sonia's legs were to inspect the oil stains on the mechanic's jumpsuit. Gundham's chest expanded, then deflated heavily. 

"My story is a grandiose tapestry woven by threads from all over the world, embroidered with magicks and dead language. For your understanding, I shall translate much of it into plain speech." He paused to glance at Kazuichi, then continued. "I was born from panthers in South India, raised to be proud and clever. We took what we needed from the forest and its creatures, and were never ungrateful or greedy." 

His fist clenched tightly and he raised it to his lips. "Humans came when I was just learning the ways of a warrior. They arrived in huge metal machines that ripped trees from the ground and decimated them in minutes. Their noises and stench made many animals flee from the forest, but they hunted the weak and slow to strip their furs and sell their meat." 

Despite the fairy-tail composition, Kazuichi was moved by the story. "What did your family - er, the panthers, do then? How did you end up in Japan?" 

Gundham smirked then, an evil glint sparking from his red eye. "I put my warrior training to good use. My pack began planning a route for us to escape, but I used my claws to destroy every vehicle. I set small fires to tents when the humans went to bathe in the stream, and stole their hand-held radios." He reached a hand up and gently traced over his scar. "After a few moon cycles, I believed my sabotages were successful. Their trucks were gone, and I ventured into their abandoned campsite for signs that they would not return. However, they laid traps for me, and with one misstep I was swept into a huge net suspended in the air.

"The humans seemed surprised to see such a small panther had caused so much trouble on his own. They held me by the scruff of my neck and threatened to skin me and sell my pelt if I did not give up my accomplices. There were none. I snarled and struggled to be freed, but two of the other humans restrained me." 

His voice dipped low then. Kazuichi gulped and almost spoke, almost stopped Gundham from telling him the rest. Even if tonight was their last night of honesty, he didn't mind some things going to the grave with them. The moment of pause ended before he could say anything. 

"I was flayed, here." Gundham motioned to his scar. "This was before I learned the deep magicks, and had only the strength of a young cat. I believe I fainted from the pain. When I awoke I was being carried home by another panther, who said they found me half-drowned in the stream. 

"There isn't much left to the story from there. The humans decided on their own to take leave from our forest, though I claimed for my pride's sake that it was my actions still. We worked for years to restore the forest, and that is where my passion for animal breeding blossomed." He squeezed his eyes shut. "I will never forget the sound of my flesh cutting away from my skull. That is why I do not consume flesh from lesser beings. There is no such thing as 'humane killing'. The term is a tautology itself." 

Kazuichi stared at him, mouth agape. Gundham met his eyes and chuckled, reaching out to lift his chin with a finger, closing his mouth. "I was invited to South America by a renounced activist who heard of my work returning the animal species to its former glory. As my experience grew it garnered the attention of Hope's Peak Academy. The rest is history.

"So no, I do not believe I have this mortal trauma you call 'baggage'," he finished matter-of-factly, crossing his arms. 

"Huh?!" Kazuichi sat up in disbelief. "You have a whole Aesop's Fable style anecdote for growing up in India, and you don't call that baggage? Dude, you're the entire friggin' lost-and-found!" 

"Shhh!" Gundham put a finger to his lips and Kazuichi shrank back down. "The difference between you and I, Souda, are the methods we take to deal with our experiences. I do not believe you have any outlets that allow you to express yourself, except tinkering with microwaves and being a nuisance." He added a smile to punctuate his words. "I have worked through my issues. The spider has been rehomed. My mother tells me the forest is flourishing." 

Kazuichi shook his head, struggling to keep up with his analogies. "Do you not have... nightmares? Or flashbacks?" 

"I did," Gundham murmured. "Dark night terrors used to plague my resting hours, and visions of the attack sought me out during the day. If I paroled around the stream where I was found, my lungs grew heavy. When I saw the glint of a blade, my legs shook as if an earthquake split the ground beneath me." 

Kazuichi nodded slowly, tousling his hair against the footboard. His eyes grew heavier as the minutes passed. Fatigue settled in his body where it met the soft curves of the bed. He wanted to reply with some words of empathy, but Gundham was right. Before tonight, the only other person he'd ever confided in about his traumas was his grandmother. Not even half a day ago he had a stress-induced fainting spell related to the loss of his mother. 

Again, he thought of the spider the other boy mentioned earlier. Its grip on the animal below loosened, and he recognized what caught in the web was a pure white dove. One panicked red eye blinked at him, as if begging for help. But as he stared back he felt less fearful than before, realizing the spider was not poised to strike him. Instead it held down the flighty bird that threatened to flap its wings against his chest, and guarded his heart from those who might break it. Maybe with enough resolve, he too could tame the spider, and redirect it where it belonged. The dove could be released. It could someday return triumphantly with an olive branch in its beak. 

"Perhaps you should get some rest." 

Kazuichi felt a strong hand on his shoulder, waking him with a gentle squeeze. Gathering his bearings once again, he sat up and scratched his flushed neck. Gundham must have let him nod off for a few minutes. 

"N-no, I can stay. Honestly. I... don't really want to leave Miss Sonia." He lifted his eyes to meet Gundham's and found they were brimming with earnest concern. 

"As always, you can entrust Sonia with me. I'm sure she appreciates your concern... when it is genuine," the breeder added, pulling his hand away to lift up his scarf. "As do I." 

Kazuichi swallowed, blinking in disbelief. Was that... a blush lighting up Gundham's face? The heat under his own collar intensified and he was thankful for the privacy of the closed door. He could brush everything off if he claimed it was only a trick of the light. 

He fiddled with the velcro on his pants pockets. How the night has changed, he thought. He accused one of his closest allies in this killing game of being a traitor, and was sitting in bed next to not only the girl of his dreams but also his rival since the beginning of the school trip. He made a mental note to blame his change of heart on the calorie deficiency, and make it up to Hajime tomorrow. 

That is, if there is a tomorrow. 

"Souda... Is that you?" 

The boys perked up then, both grateful for the distraction. 

"I-It's me, Mi- Sonia. I carried your shoes," Kazuichi said, then resisted the urge to facepalm. 

Sonia smiled weakly and pulled an arm from the blanket. The boys watched as she palmed blindly over the bed, once brushing over the mechanics knee and finally settling over her target: the Bible. 

"I took religious studies for a while in Novoselic. A princess must be educated in the most common religions of the countries she rules, no?" Sonia lifted the Bible and tapped Kazuichi's hand with it. "Please, read something to me." 

Kazuichi looked between Gundham and the princess. 

Gundham shrugged slightly in return and moved to sit beside Sonia, leaning against the headboard and shimmying under the covers. 

Kazuichi couldn't hold back a laugh at the sight. Maybe another day he would feel jealous. Looking at the two now, peering over the blanket with wide, expectant eyes, Kazuichi felt the laughter bubbling up from his chest, as natural as breathing. It spread to Sonia and Gundham, their laughter muffled under the blankets. 

"H'okay kids, one story and then it's bedtime." Kazuichi kicked off his shoes and sat cross-legged on the bed. He flipped open the Bible, deciphering which story was light-hearted and relatable enough for the moment. It came to him without much thought. He started reading aloud. 

"... Then Memukan replied in the presence of the king and the nobles, 'Queen Vashti has done wrong, not only against the king but also against all the nobles and the peoples of all the provinces of King Xerxes. For the queen's conduct will become known to all the women, and so they will despise their husbands and say, ''King Xerxes commanded Queen Vashti to be brought before him, but she would not come.'' This very day the Persian and Median women of the nobility who have heard about the queen's conduct will respond to all the king's nobles in the same way. There will be no end of disrespect and discord.'"

"I love this story," Sonia whispered loudly for comedic effect. "Queen Esther is hella boss."

Kazuichi smiled. He was grateful to remember the story off of the top of his head. When the Persian queen stopped obeying the King, he banished her and sent for a new harem of the most beautiful girls of all of the land. One girl chosen, named Hadassah, was secretly a Jew. Over time she became the new queen of Persia, renamed Esther, and used her wits to convince King Ahasuerus to save the Jewish people's lives from imminent peril. If there were anyone in the Bible that reminded him of Sonia, it was beautiful, clever, and brave Queen Esther. 

-

-

-

**Day 7**

**Grape Hall**

**8 AM**

The creaking sound of springs and subtle movement of the bed was enough to rouse Kazuichi from his slumber. He lifted his head and blinked rapidly, his eyes adjusting to the pitch black room. Memories of falling asleep at Sonia's feet came back to him slowly. He realized with a start that he was still in her room. A few lewd thoughts crossed his mind out of habit, and he shook them away. With a few soft pats on the blanket he realized he had fallen asleep at her feet, and moved to stand. 

Kazuichi whipped his head up when a crack of light appeared at the door. Green light spilled into the room, illuminating Gundham's grim face under his scarf. He glanced back at the bed and looked surprised to find Kazuichi awake. There was a pause as his eyes searched Kazuichi's face. Then he raised a finger to his lips and motioned for the mechanic to follow, holding the door open. 

Kazuichi cast a final glance at Sonia. She didn't stir as he stood, pocketed his Bible, and tiptoed to the door. He waited until Gundham shut the door behind them to speak. 

"Can't sleep?" 

"Something like that." Gundham shrugged and started walking towards the elevator. "I will accompany you back to Strawberry Hall." 

"Will Sonia be okay on her own?" Kazuichi asked, casting a nervous glance at the door. 

Gundham chuckled softly. "No worries. Her breathing is stable and I will return to check on her. I was actually going to ask you to keep an eye on the small yakuza for me." 

"Good idea." 

The two made their way to Grape Tower in comfortable silence. 

\--- 

**Day 7**

**Grape Hall**

**8:05 AM**

Kazuichi knocked on Fuyuhiko's door before peering inside. Lamplight oozed over the yakuza snoring softly in his cot, bundled up to his chin. The little boss might be a spitfire during the day, but his sleeping form was soft and peaceful. 

"He's doin' fine," Kazuichi said quietly, shutting the door again. He turned to face Gundham again, noticing how this time, it was the breeder who looked lost in thought. "Gundham? Earth to Tanaka?" He poked the other boy's shoulder and he jumped slightly. 

"Oh - my apologies. Let's get going then." Gundham ran a hand through his hair and made his way towards Kazuichi's door. 

A sharp stab of dread cut at Kazuichi's stomach as he followed the other boy. Was this flighty behavior something to be wary of? Before today, the longest time they spent together was when participating in the class trials. They had never been alone before, and at this hour he would feel suspicious of anyone. 

If Gundham's intentions were foul, it was definitely a dumb idea to be alone with him. Their little heart-to-heart might have been an olive branch, the tentative start of a bond between them, but it didn't end the killing game, and it certainly didn't ease anyone's hunger. 

"H-hey, this is far enough," he finally spoke up, stopping in his tracks. 

Gundham also paused his strides.

"As you wish." He stepped towards Kazuichi, who resisted the urge to step back. When he stopped they stood toe-to-toe. 

Kazuichi swallowed thickly. 

"Thank you for your assistance with the she-cat tonight," Gundham murmured from behind his scarf. He turned to face him. "May I?" 

Kazuichi regarded him apprehensively, putting his hands up in front of his chest. "W-What?" 

Gundham reached out and placed his hands over the other boy's. He paused for a moment, then pulled him into a tight embrace with one swift tug. Kazuichi tensed fully, his entire body on edge. Pins and needles crawled over his skin, and he squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for the stab of a knife, or jab from a knee, or something. It never came. 

"O-oh. Didn't take you for a hugger, Tanaka." 

After a few moments, Kazuichi slowly raised his arms to reciprocate the embrace. 

Gundham leaned away first, but didn't let go. He spoke quickly before Kazuichi could pull away. The breath from his barely audible words brushed against the other boy's cheek, sending a chill down Kazuichi's spine. 

A ringing sound started from the floor and made its way up to Kazuichi's ears. It swallowed up Gundham's words, though he read the other boy's lips. 

"C-Could you, uh, repeat that?" he stammered with an awkward laugh. 

Gundham released him from the embrace, one hand trailing down his arm to loosely grab his fingers. He watched Gundham's lips turn upwards into a grim smile. His eyes - one red, one grey - flicked around his friend's face, as if drinking in every detail. Pink light spilled over their heads, drenching their clothes and expressions with a strawberry flush. 

Without an invitation to Hope's Peak, these two may never have found themselves in the same room. The country-raised, cowardly mechanic would grow up to work turning nuts and bolts, repairing cell phones or aircrafts or some other machinery in need of repair. Unless there was some incubator gone haywire or a screw loose on a fish tank, the ever-traveling breeder might not stick around in one place long enough for them to meet. 

The ringing from before sounded louder, but not enough to drown out the hammering of Kazuichi's heartbeat in his ears.

"Have you ever pondered the philosophies of altruism?" 

"Altruism? No, I don't think so," Kazuichi said, eyeing him. 

Gundham smiled something smug. "It is a behavior often observed in animals which shows one acting for the well-being of someone else, selflessly and often at their own loss or demise." 

"Like sacrificing yourself for someone you love?"

Gundham nodded, bouncing slightly on his heels as his excitement rose. "Exactly! Living in Southeast Asia I personally observed great battles between weaver ants, which will explode their bodies when fighting against another colony, killing themselves in order to save the rest of their own. And that is not all! Vampire bats will often engorge themselves with blood of a calf or pig, then regurgitate the blood into their offspring's mouth - not unlike an avian mother - to keep their young alive, but starving to death themselves." His arms swooped broadly, gesturing in a vague yet somehow also very telling way. "There are also examples of interspecies compassion, in which cases big cats save monkeys from peril. It's truly an intense event, but it is also a highly admirable behavior to discuss." 

The thought of juicy, exploding ant bodies and salty pork blood made Kazuichi's stomach lurch. 

"What the hell're you tellin' me for?! I ain't the ultimate zoologist!" He whined, holding his beanie. 

"I thought you might say that." Gundham placed a thoughtful thumb on his chin. "However, even humans are animals, and therefore we are the most practiced in the way of altruism. Take for example, the story of Jesus in the Bible. Nailed to the cross, the sacrificial lamb laying down his life so that the people he loved could live without the strife of sin."

Kazuichi swallowed hard. His eyes searched the other boy's face, watching as he grew more excitable, bordering frantic. 

"Moving beyond the legends of religion, there's the issue of what truly is the definition of selfless. If one were to be happy giving up their life for the ones they love - is that within the confines of altruism? If in return, they receive the benefit that their loved ones will be allowed to thrive?" 

"H-hey - Gundham - " 

A tapping sound interrupted them, and Kazuichi yanked his hand away as if their fingertips caught on fire. He spun around to face the noise and Gundham struggled to compose himself, running his fingers through his hair. 

"Who's there?!" Kazuichi called. His voice came out warbled, a mixture of fright and anger. The smattering of pink around his neck deepened to crimson.

The footsteps grew louder as a pale figure rounded the corner. 

"Oh - I'm sorry. I didn't meant to interrupt you two." Nagito shoved his hands into his pockets and continued down the hall. A smirk flitted over his face and he gestured with his shoulder. "Please, continue. You both look very passionate about something. But no worries! No one would believe a smudge like me. I was just going to bed, anway." He opened his door, offering a coy smile and thumbs up before ducking inside. 

"What the hell is up with that guy? It feels like he always shows up just in time to creep me out," Kazuichi groaned, gripping his beanie. 

Gundham chuckled, a knuckle braced against his lips. His forehead shone slightly but otherwise he seemed back to normal. "I find him fitting for the atmosphere, as if he only exists within the limits of the killing game." 

Kazuichi shook his head in disbelief. His head swam, trying to take in the light, Gundham's mood swings, vampire bats, crosses, and Nagito's creepy smile. He moved to lightly punch Gundham on the shoulder, attempting a smooth exit. 

"I guess I'll see ya later," he said, stepping back towards his door. 

"Yes, of course. Goodnight, Kazuichi."

The pink-haired boy turned to leave, then added, "Oh and uh - lemme know if there's any news about, y'know, Sonia. Or anything." 

Gundham nodded. "And I expect the same if anything develops with the small yakuza."

He offered a final nod goodbye, and Kazuichi waved in return. As he turned away, Kazuichi caught a glimpse as Gundham's face pinched once again into an unpleasant expression. He would later recognize the guilt smearing his brow, and determination thinned across his lips. How Gundham Tanaka's eyes burned bright in contrast to his pallid cheek. Hands clenched around his scarf, strangling the cloth, as if it threatened to blow away. 

Kazuichi slipped into his room and let his body carry him through the motions of getting into bed. The weight of his limbs took the forefront of his attention. Talking with Gundham was an effective distraction from hunger for a few hours, but the exhaustion was always looming under the surface. He flicked off the lamp, finally plunging into peaceful darkness. 

Gundham's infodump about self-sacrificing animals and Bible stories tumbled around in his head even as he tried to sleep. 

_Altruism, huh,_ he thought, rolling the word around in his mind. Honestly, he had never heard of it, much less given it the deep thought that Gundham obviously had. Self-sacrifice had always been a cut and dry behavior to him. While Kazuichi himself might be a coward, Gundham seemed to be the kind of guy who would do something selfless - or, in the interest of his loved ones - at the risk of his own life. 

Kazuichi shook the thought away, deciding this wasn't an important enough thing to worry about for the time being. As sleep overtook him, a nervous pit formed in his belly. He dreamt of vampires and wooden stakes, crosses, and scriptures. He caught blurry glimpses of red and grey eyes full of frenzy, the burning stench of oil and sputtering car exhaust, and other things that go _bump_ in the night.


End file.
